If I were Chen Shui Bian's daughter....

This is the email letter I would write:

Dear Sir/Madam,

I desperately need your assistance to access funds from secret Swiss bank accounts.

You see my father was the former president of Taiwan. Now that he is out of the office, his enemies are persecuting him and hounding him about alleged financial misconduct. The current government is investigating charges that my father illegally laundered at least $31 million to overseas accounts. My father has angrily denied these charges. He will only admit that my mother transferred $20 million to Swiss bank accounts under my sister-in-law's name, but without his knowledge. Of course, every penny of the $20 million are legitimately his, given to him from his multitude of admirers.

Now, my father, mother, brother and others in the immediate family are not allowed to leave Taiwan. Therefore we have no way to access the funds abroad. We need the funds for a variety of reasons. In part for his legal defense, even though he has been very skillful in rallying public opinion to his side. But just in case we need to make a fast get away, the under cover run will be costly and we would need the funds immediately. There is even a chance that my father will run for president again in 2012 and regain the immunity (and impunity) that he once enjoyed. If he does, his old donors may not rush to his aid unless he can show he already has the funds to make a serious attempt.

The shabby treatment of my father knows no limit. There is even a movement to reexamine the assasination attempt on the election eve in 2004, which the accusers claim my father staged to get some last minute sympathy votes. You may know that my father was seriously grazed by the assassin bullet which also wounded vice president Annette Lu on the knee. Fortunately for her, the momemtum of the bullet had been mostly dissipated by the fat of my father's belly. But as you can see, my father's enemies will go to any length to get him.

So please, I need your assistance to withdraw the funds that belong to my family. If you agree to help me, I can promise you a fee of 20% of the millions you help us recover and in any case not less than USD$10 million. If you are interested, please contact me at your earliest convenience.
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The letter is, of course, tongue-in-cheek. For a good recent summary of the scandal surrounding Chen, please go here.